- because i woke up from a nap with a boys hands sliding down my jeans and when I left him with a black eye he told everyone i was a bitch and a slut that he used for sex when I had never had sex at all
- because my close friend was raped in her dorm room and now she can’t get in bed without checking that the door is locked 3 times
- because “she was asking for it” is still said
- because no doesn’t mean no in todays society
- because i can’t wear shorts in 90 degree weather without being oversexualized
- because the phrase “boys will be boys” is still in existance
- BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT AND SOMETHING TO BE FIRED UP OVER
Yesterday was one of the most difficult days I’ve had in a while. I guess being around the same people over an extended period of time has left me in that familiar state of harsh self-judgment. It always happens this way. They all get comfortable, I get freaked out, and psych myself out about the atrocities I will commit that will lose their friendships forever. The daunting prospect of future uncertainties. I say it that way because really, there’s a fifty percent chance that it actually could end well, or not even end at all, if that’s not pushing it. My future actions or inaction, my mounting insecurities and self-hate do NOT have to actually crumble all on top of me. Maybe, like clay, I can just smooth the piling mound down to a flat plane of respect, tranquility, and honest existence free from life-threatening fears. Maybe, they won’t all hate me in the end, and maybe, just maybe, I can survive and not treat myself like shit.
Last night I realized how much love I have lost from my behavior in conjunction with the love I have lost for myself. In a strange occurrence, I lost my kindness towards people through my efforts of focusing on myself and my mental, emotional, and physical health. I blinded myself to the mercy and tenderness that people need to be shown. I’ve let myself become a real bitch, and yet I’m over here whimpering in a drink cooler about how stupid and undeserving of life I am because I can’t interpret people’s tones towards me. I realize that this really doesn’t make any sense to you.. but I guess I’m just trying to say that I need to stop getting so scared when I act in my usual annoying way. I need to stop labeling myself these rude and critical things, and start uplifting myself WHILE showing more love and consideration to other people’s feelings.
I always picture myself as a flower in a clay pot with the holes drilled into the bottom. As I am watered, I want that same life-force to flow out of me into my surrounding environment for whoever needs it. Dumb, i’m sure that sounds, but it’s the best way for me to grasp my purpose.
I think I was just destined to give, and that’s what I intend to do and improve on.
That is all.
if we are going to support women in politics for the sake of them simply being women in politics while totally ignoring what they actually say or do i want u to vote for me in 2016. i promise free labrador puppies and yummy bowls of ramen w/ a side dish of tempura for all americans